You Have ADHD – Now What? How to navigate life with an ADHD diagnosis

Written by Terri Bly, PsyD, LP

You’ve always found it hard to sit still. You’ve lost friends due to your inability to remember things like birthdays, texting people back, and following through on that thing you promised you would do. You and financial responsibility are near-complete strangers, and you’ve hit your head more than once on a cabinet door you unintentionally left open. And then, perhaps after a loved one gently coaxed, lovingly suggested, or flat-out threatened, you went and got tested for ADHD. Perhaps not surprising to anyone who knows you, the diagnosis came back positive. So now what?

What Is ADHD?

ADHD is classified as a developmental disorder, which means it is present during childhood and persists into adulthood. It involves the part of the brain responsible for executive functioning (i.e., planning, organization, emotional regulation, motivation, and so forth). Generally speaking, boys with ADHD are more likely than girls to exhibit hyperactivity, which means boys are more likely to get diagnosed early on, since their behavior is more disruptive to those around them.

There currently is no blood test or brain scan we can use to reliably and definitively detect ADHD, although this is a focus of ongoing research. There is also no conclusive evidence pointing to one specific cause of ADHD. Because ADHD tends to run in families, genetics likely play a role, at least in some cases. Other possible risk factors include environment, brain injuries, and nutrition.

Make an Appointment

Symptoms of ADHD

Here are some of the symptoms we look for when diagnosing ADHD:

• Short attention span
• Disorganization
• Impulsivity
• Hyperactivity
• Problems with starting and completing tasks
• Poor attention to detail
• Distractibility
• Procrastination
• Easily overwhelmed
• Difficulty waiting your turn to speak

These symptoms or impairments must have been present throughout the person’s life. If they developed later on – say, in adolescence or adulthood – then we start looking at other potential causes of their executive functioning deficits.

Is ADHD curable?

ADHD has no known cure, which means people with ADHD will likely struggle with their symptoms, at least to some extent, for the rest of their lives. Symptoms may lessen in intensity as people enter into their mid-to-late 20s, when their brain reaches full maturity and/or as they learn skills and strategies to compensate for their symptoms. For most people with ADHD, however, they will always have some executive functioning deficits. These are the adults who have a hard time staying on top of paperwork, forget important anniversaries, show up late to pretty much everything, miss important deadlines, and generally have a hard time with all the stuff we tend to associate with “adulting.”

While it may be tempting to conclude that since ADHD isn’t curable, you might as well resign yourself to a lifetime of letting yourself and others down, the reality is that people with ADHD can be just as successful as people without this condition. With that in mind, let’s discuss some of the steps you (or a loved one) can take to reduce the impact of ADHD on your life and those around you.

Finding Success with ADHD

In my experience, the secret to living a happy and successful life with an ADHD diagnosis is to 1) acknowledge the areas in which you need assistance, 2) embrace the treatments and tools that are effective for managing your symptoms, and then, when possible, 3) make life choices that work with your particular flavor of ADHD, rather than choosing paths that are better suited for people who do not have these impairments. So now let’s discuss these steps in more detail.

1. Acknowledging the areas in which you need help. One of the most frustrating things about having ADHD is that you often struggle with tasks that seem to come so easily to other people. This is why people with ADHD frequently tell me that they get tired of hearing things like, “You just have to put it back where you found it,” or “If you just left five minutes earlier than you think you need to leave, you’d be on time.” For people with ADHD, it is never “just” that easy. But it can be painful to acknowledge to yourself that you may never get the hang of it – at least, not without some help. But here’s the paradox: once you can accept that there are areas of executive functioning that will always be hard for you, that is the moment you can begin finding the tools that will help you get better at these very tasks.
2. Treatments and Tools. So what are the most effective treatments and tools we can use to reduce the impact of ADHD on our daily lives? Again, while there is no cure, here are a few of the options we have for treating ADHD symptoms:

• • Stimulant medication. Stimulant medications, such as Adderall, Ritalin, Vyvanse and Concerta, are the most common pharmacological treatment for the symptoms of ADHD. These stimulants increase activity in the parts of the brain responsible for focus, emotional control, and motivation, helping people with ADHD do things like writing papers or reports, studying for an exam, staying attentive and alert when active listening is required, or cleaning one’s room or house. It can even help athletes with ADHD stay more focused on the court or field. Stimulants can also come with undesirable side effects. Nonetheless, stimulant medications can be a godsend for many people with ADHD, helping them to fulfill their potential in school and at work, and accomplish meaningful projects at home.
  • Non-stimulant medication. For people who cannot tolerate stimulants, or for whatever reason do not want to take stimulant medication, there are also non-stimulant medications that are FDA-approved for the treatment of ADHD. Atomoxetine (Strattera) and guanfacine (Intuniv) are two commonly prescribed non-stimulant medications that can help children and adults with focus and impulse control. While they do not work for everyone, they tend to come with fewer side effects.
  • Therapy and coaching. There is evidence suggesting that working with a therapist or coach trained in evidence-based ADHD interventions can help people learn to manage their ADHD symptoms, find workarounds, and implement changes in their daily routine. Therapy can also help people with ADHD overcome negative beliefs they may have developed about themselves as a result of years of struggle in school, at work, and in relationships.
  • Diet, sleep, and exercise. One of the easiest ways to reduce the impact of ADHD symptoms on your daily functioning is to make sure you get a full night of sleep as consistently as possible. Exercising in the morning has also been shown to improve ADHD symptoms, as does keeping your blood sugar stable by reducing your intake of highly processed foods and added sugars.
  • Smartphone apps. There is no shortage of smartphone apps designed specifically to help people who struggle with various aspects of executive functioning. Planning and reminder apps, timers reminding you to take breaks, budgeting tools: all of these (and more) can help compensate for the difficulty your brain has in handling these kinds of tasks. See below for a list of several apps I recommend to my clients with ADHD.
  • Books, websites and podcasts. While I’ve always found it a little humorous that there are so many books out there to help people with ADHD – probably the least likely demographic to read a non-fiction self-help book – they can nevertheless be helpful when it comes to learning more about ADHD and how to navigate life successfully with the diagnosis. For those who prefer to learn in bite-size pieces, there are some high-quality websites with information and tips for people with ADHD, as well as for parents and partners of people with ADHD. I’ve included just a sample of some top-notch books, websites and podcasts below.

3. Make choices that work for you. Arguably, this final tip applies to all of us, but it definitely applies to people with ADHD. As I said earlier, having ADHD does not mean you are less capable of success than people without it. It might mean, however, that you will be a happier person if you avoid making major life choices in which success depends on your ability to wield the same executive functioning skills with which you have struggled your entire life.

For example, if you are able to pay attention more easily in interactive settings versus lectures, you may want to choose a small college instead of a large university. If you feel like you’re being tortured when required to sit at a desk for long periods of time, you may want to steer clear of a career that parks you in front of the computer all day. A job description emphasizing the need for “strong attention to detail” may be your clue that the position is not a great fit. By choosing paths that work with your strengths, and that don’t rely overly much on the areas in which you struggle, not only are you more likely to feel good about yourself, you are also more likely to be successful.

A diagnosis of ADHD can help you understand how to navigate life by helping you understand how your unique brain works. Embracing the many tools and treatments currently available for ADHD allows you to maximize your ability to reach your full potential in all areas of your life. And making choices that align with your strengths and rely less on your weaknesses, will boost your confidence and your potential for success. If you’re interested in learning more about ADHD – including getting assessed, taking medication, or meeting with a therapist experienced in helping people with ADHD – contact LynLake Centers for Wellbeing today, or click the link below to request an appointment with one of our providers.

Make an Appointment
Resources:

SMARTPHONE APPS

Focus@Will – Music engineered to help you focus. The creators also claim that the frequencies cancel out the sound of the human voice, further reducing your odds of getting distracted.

Freedom – Blocks distracting websites and apps, for however long you want to be free from these distractions.

To Do –  Microsoft app that quickly and easily allows you to create multiple to-do lists, set reminders, assign tasks and track progress.

Monarch Money – A budgeting app that tracks and categorizes your income and expenses, to help you stay on top of your financial situation, set spending goals, and get alerts when you’ve gone over budget.

BOOKS

ADHD 2.0: New science and essential strategies for thriving with distraction, by Dr. Edward M. Hallowell and Dr. John Ratey – The latest book by the authors of Driven to Distraction, who essentially introduced the public to the concept of ADHD. A great book for understanding ADHD and how to minimize its impact on your life.

Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD, by Susan Pinsky – A fantastic book for people with ADHD, or for those who live with people who have ADHD, this book walks you through realistic organization solutions that people with ADHD can actually maintain.

The Smart but Scattered series, by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare – These books are tailored to help kids, teens and adults with ADHD, offering tools, strategies, quizzes and workarounds for managing the various difficulties people with ADHD face on a daily basis.

WEBSITES and PODCASTS

ADDitude.com – This is easily the best online resource for all things ADHD. With sections for parents and partners of people with ADHD, as well as an endless list of resources, tips, education, quizzes, and more, this is your one-stop ADHD shop.

ADHD Avenue – A great podcast about navigating life with ADHD, from LynLake’s own Marcus Manning, PsyD LP, along with licensed marriage and family therapy, Jackie Morrison.

Falling Back in Love Again – How Couples Therapy Works

Couples who have been together for many years will almost inevitably experience periods of time when they may question whether they are still “in love” with each other. Kids, jobs, financial stress, health problems – these are just a few of the factors that can take a toll on a relationship. Some couples will reach a point where they seriously question whether they can rekindle the flame. This is when couples therapy can be an excellent resource.

What is Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy, also known as marriage or relationship counseling, offers a structured and supportive environment in which to address these challenges. By working with a trained therapist, partners can explore their relationship goals and concerns, improve communication, and rebuild their emotional connection. Here, we’ll explore how relationship therapy works and how it can help you and your partner fall back in love.

Creating a Safe Space for Communication

Oftentimes, we can get stuck in unproductive patterns of communication with our partners. We have the same fights over and over again, or we feel like our partner isn’t hearing us anymore. One of the primary goals of couples therapy is to create a safe, non-judgmental space where both partners can express their thoughts and feelings openly. The therapist acts as a more objective third party, interrupting unhelpful patterns of interacting and helping each person in the relationship feel heard. This environment encourages honest communication and helps to uncover underlying issues that may be affecting the relationship.

Make an Appointment

Identifying Patterns and Triggers

Couples therapy helps partners identify negative patterns in their interactions. By recognizing these patterns, couples can begin to understand the dynamics that contribute to conflict and disconnection. If it becomes clear to the couples therapist that issues like past trauma or mental health problems might be contributing to negative dynamics in the relationship, they can recommend individual therapy as well, in conjunction with couples therapy.

Enhancing Emotional Understanding

Therapy fosters a deeper emotional understanding between partners. By exploring each other’s emotions and experiences, couples can develop greater empathy and compassion, which are essential for a strong, loving relationship. With a couples therapist to guide conversations and provide “homework” to do in-between sessions, people often find they learn new things about their partner – even after being together for many years! This new way of understanding your partner can add new spark and excitement to even decades-long relationships.

Improving Communication Skills

Effective communication is crucial for a healthy relationship, but it’s a skill that too few of us learn on our own. Relationship therapy teaches practical communication skills, such as active listening, assertiveness, and non-verbal communication, to help partners express themselves more clearly and listen more effectively. By practicing new ways of communicating, partners can go back home feeling more confident in their ability to apply the new skills they have learned when the therapist is no longer there to assist.

Rebuilding Trust

Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship. In therapy, couples can address issues of trust and work on rebuilding it through transparency, consistency, and mutual respect. Even couples who have experienced significant breaches of trust – yes, even affairs – can find a way to rebuild lost trust through couples therapy. As long as all parties in the relationship want to rebuild trust, couples therapy can be a critical part of that process.

Resolving Conflicts Constructively

Nearly all couples struggle with knowing how to argue constructively and in a way that allows all parties to feel safe. Couples therapy provides tools and techniques for addressing and resolving conflicts in a constructive manner. Instead of resorting to blame, stonewalling or avoidance, partners learn to approach conflicts with a problem-solving mindset. As a bonus, these conflict management skills can be applied to other relationships as well, such as at work, with friends, or with other family members.

Rekindling Romance and Intimacy

A key aspect of falling back in love is rekindling romance and intimacy. Therapy encourages couples to explore ways to reconnect physically and emotionally, helping to reignite the spark in their relationship. For people who are hesitant to discuss intimacy with a third party, couples therapists can recommend other resources such as books, podcasts, and even lists of questions partners can ask each other outside of the therapy session.

Setting and Achieving Relationship Goals

In therapy, couples can set realistic and achievable goals for their relationship. Whether it’s improving communication, spending more quality time together, or addressing specific issues, having clear goals provides direction and motivation. Through this process, couples can also become more aware of where their goals align, and where they might have some key differences they need to resolve – which they can also do in couples therapy.

Building a Stronger Partnership

Couples therapy emphasizes the importance of teamwork and collaboration. By working together to overcome challenges, partners can build a stronger, more resilient partnership.

Maintaining Progress and Growth

Therapy equips couples with strategies to maintain their progress and continue growing together. Regular check-ins and ongoing communication help to sustain the improvements made during therapy.

Couples Therapy in Minneapolis and St. Paul

Couples therapy is a transformative process that provides the tools and support needed to fall back in love and build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. By creating a safe space for open communication, identifying and addressing negative patterns, and enhancing emotional understanding, therapy helps couples reconnect and strengthen their bond. Whether you’re facing specific challenges or simply looking to improve your relationship, relationship therapy offers a structured path to rediscovering love and building a stronger partnership. Embrace the journey of falling back in love, with the guidance of an experienced therapist, and discover the profound impact couples therapy can have on your relationship.

Ready to give therapy a try? At LynLake, we offer marriage, relationship and couples therapy in Minneapolis and St. Paul. Contact us today to be matched with one of our couples therapists.

Make an Appointment

The Two-Part Secret to Unlocking Your Libido

My favorite self-help book of the century so far is Emily Nagoske’s “Come As You Are,” a guide to understanding the female body and the mechanisms of sexuality, I personally think this book should be required reading in every high school across America (although I’m also certain it never will be), as it is by far the best book I have ever read when it comes to helping us understand the complicated relationship between our bodies, our lived experiences, and our desire for intimacy.

One of the central themes in Nagoski’s book, and the one I use most often when working with couples, is that our sex drive has both a “brake” and an “accelerator.” Whereas most of us tend to think of desire for sex as more of a single on or off switch (you’re either in the mood or you’re not), Nagoski makes the compelling case for a two-part system, with both parts requiring attention if igniting a desire for sexual intimacy is the end goal.

Part 1: The Accelerator

When it comes to ramping up our desire for sexual intimacy, most of us have some idea of what gets us going. Whether it’s certain music, specific types of touch, playful text messages, imagery, or even laughter and just being silly, each of us develops a menu, if you will, of what takes us from neutral to ready-to-go. That is our accelerator. And since your list of what revs your engine is unlikely to be the same as your partner’s, it’s important to let them know what kinds of actions or activities get your accelerator going, and to ask your partner what does the same for them.

We also need to understand that each accelerator is uniquely sensitive. Just like with cars, some accelerators need just the slightest touch to get going, whereas others require a more concerted effort. Similarly, some people can go from 0 to 100 in under a minute, whereas other people take a lot longer to get there. This means that even if you and your partner happen to have the same activities on your lists of accelerators, that doesn’t necessarily mean you both rev up in the same amount of time.

I always encourage my couples clients to have an open and honest conversation about their accelerators. Not only can it be an extremely fun conversation to have, but it also can have a positive impact on each partner’s sexual satisfaction within the relationship. Some of the questions to consider discussing with your partner: What kinds of things can they do to get your accelerator going? And vice versa? How much time do you need to get revved up? What else should they know about your unique accelerator? What else should you know about theirs?

Schedule an Appointment

Part 2: The Brake

Some of you, when reading the questions above, might be thinking to yourself, “I can’t answer those because it completely depends on how I’m feeling!” Maybe you are thinking about the times when your partner was doing all the right things to get your accelerator going, but you were having none of it. That is what Nagoski refers to as your brake.

Going back to the car metaphor: you can have the pedal to the metal, but if the brake is on, that car ain’t goin’ nowhere.

As with the accelerator, we each have our own unique set of brake-pushers, and what activates one person’s brake may have no impact whatsoever on another person’s brake – it might even rev their accelerator! Nor is there a “right” or “wrong” when it comes to our brakes (or our accelerators). Our unique histories, temperaments and chemistry all come together to determine how our bodies respond to our environment. That said, some common brake activators include various stressors (work, financial, family, household, etc), sleep deprivation, illness, pain, a messy environment, and hormones. Not surprisingly, if you happen to be upset with your partner for whatever reason, that alone may slam on your brakes.

One common misconception is that people who have a frequent desire for sexual intimacy and a rapid accelerator also have no brakes. That’s because, in comparison to their partner, it may in fact appear that way. Consequently, on the rare occasion when their brake is activated, their partner may take it personally and interpret the brake to mean that their partner is no longer interested in them. But while some people have a very short list of stressors that activate their brake, pretty much all of us have one – the differences are in how many things activate the brake, how long the brake stays engaged once activated, and what it takes to disengage it.

Whatever the cause, when our brake is on, we are unable to access our sexual desire, no matter what else is going on that would typically rev our accelerator. We aren’t interested in that kind of intimacy, even if we still want touch, snuggles or kisses. What this means is that if you are hoping for sexual intimacy with your partner, your first task is to see if their brake is engaged. If the answer is yes, step 2 is to see if there is anything you can do to help alleviate the pressure on it. Is your partner stressed out because they have too much to do? Then see if there is anything you can take on to reduce their load. Is a messy space on their list of brake-pushers? Consider proactively cleaning up around the place before they get home. If it turns out there’s nothing you can do to relieve the pressure on your partner’s brake, your best bet is probably to wait it out, rather than add to their stress by complaining about it or trying to push the issue.

I have seen some amazing conversations take place between couples with regard to their brakes. So consider talking with your partner about what activates your brake, and ask them to think through what activates theirs. Then talk about what each of you would like your partner to do when they notice your brake is on. While this conversation may not be quite as fun as talking about your accelerators, it can go a long way towards building a mutual sense of trust and understanding in the relationship – which, for many people, can be a pretty effective accelerator all on its own.

LynLake Centers for WellBeing provides therapy and counseling services. Begin your journey to healing and wellness by scheduling an appointment with us today.

__
Written by: Terri Bly, PsyD, LP, Licensed Clinical Psychologist

In Defense of “Negative” Emotions

The messages we receive throughout our lives regarding certain emotions are pretty clear: The ones that cause pain or discomfort are not normal, and we should do whatever we can to feel more good, and less bad, as often as possible. We call these uncomfortable emotions “negative,” as opposed to the much preferred “positive” emotions such as happiness, contentment, excitement, and enthusiasm. 

But what if we actually need the entire range of emotions – the good, the bad, and the ugly – to live a full and meaningful life? What if the emotions we label as “negative” aren’t actually emotions we should be trying to get rid of, but rather, emotions we should be listening to and learning from? What if we stopped thinking of them as “negative” altogether, but instead thought of them as problem-signaling emotions? 

Negative Emotions’ Negative Reputation

It’s pretty easy to understand how most of us ended up with such a negative opinion of uncomfortable emotions. For example, many of us grew up in families in which expressing sadness or disappointment was often met with a lecture about how no one likes a complainer, or how much better you have it than other kids, and therefore you should be grateful, not sad. We learned that these were not emotions that “good kids” expressed. Many of us also came to associate anger with violence and/or punishment; in other words, we learned that nothing good comes from the expression of anger, so best to just stuff it down. In addition, many societies (including here in the United States) only tolerate the expression of emotions like anger, frustration or sadness in certain situations or from certain people, depending on your race, gender, and so forth.

And then we have the medical model and how it has influenced the way we think about emotions. As mental health providers, we are required to document our client’s “symptoms” during each session, and many of these symptoms are, in fact, emotions, such as sadness, loneliness, irritability, frequent worry, and guilt. To be clear, therapists aren’t supposed to diagnose anyone with a mood disorder simply because they are experiencing one or more of these emotions. Nonetheless, it is hard not to think of these emotions as pathological when we routinely make note of them as “current symptoms,” with the explicit goal of helping our clients get rid of them.  

So why am I arguing that these emotions are mislabeled as negative? I mean, no one wants to feel sadness, hurt, guilt, anxiety, irritability or anger…right? These emotions can be deeply uncomfortable, and they never feel positive. They can even feel overwhelming, as though they may consume us if we don’t fight them off as quickly as possible. How on earth, then, are we supposed to think of them as anything other than unwanted and potentially destructive emotional states we should try to overcome as quickly as possible? 

Wired To Be Negative

Believe it or not, the human brain is wired for negativity. From birth, we attend and respond to negative “stimuli” more than positive ones. That’s why a baby cries within seconds of being born, but doesn’t smile or laugh for at least six more weeks. Negative emotions are essential tools for survival; they are designed to alert us and our caregivers that something is wrong. These feelings are uncomfortable on purpose because that discomfort motivates us to identify the problem(s) and take action, in order to make the discomfort go away. But if we immediately rush into the getting-back-to-comfortable part, without first listening to what the emotions are trying to communicate, we aren’t able to solve whatever problem those emotions are trying to alert us to. We treat the uncomfortable emotions themselves as the problem, rather than whatever is causing them in the first place. 

Think of the smoke detectors in your home. They are designed to make an intentionally horrible, shrill beeping sound if they detect smoke, because smoke might mean there’s a fire, which in turn could cause serious damage to your home and everyone in it. If, every time the smoke detector went off, you immediately went about removing the batteries so that it would stop making that awful sound, without first checking to see if there is an actual fire, you can see how that might be problematic. Our “negative” emotions are like that fire alarm. 

Take sadness as an example. Let’s say I notice that for the last week or two, I’ve been feeling sadder than usual, with low energy and a strong desire to stay in bed (i.e., the “smoke detector” has gone off). It’s awful and I don’t want to feel this way anymore, so I ask my doctor for a prescription for antidepressants (removing the batteries). But what if the sadness is trying to communicate to me that something is wrong? What if it is trying to let me know that I am not spending enough time with friends or family, or that I am not moving my body enough? Or what if it is alerting me to a vitamin D deficiency, a thyroid problem, or the onset of Seasonal Affective Disorder? Maybe I’ve been interpreting things happening in my life in an unnecessarily negative way, without even realizing it, and that is leading to prolonged sadness. In other words, maybe there’s an actual fire, and if I don’t take the time to explore what the emotional smoke alarm is trying to tell me, I might overlook some important information. 

And yes, for some people, their emotional smoke alarm is too sensitive, sounding the alarm at even the slightest hint of an over-browned piece of toast, which means focusing on the alarm itself is a good idea. Antidepressants can alleviate symptoms of depression for many people, and for some, they truly are the best solution. My point is that the smoke alarm can go off for many reasons, from over-browned toast to actual fires, which means identifying the best solution for making it stop requires determining why it’s going off in the first place. 

The same holds true for anger, anxiety, irritability, and most other uncomfortable emotions. These emotions are all trying to signal to us that something is out of whack, and the problem (as well as the solution) may take some investigation. 

How To Listen To Your Emotions In A New Way

Now it’s time to practice cultivating a different kind of relationship with your uncomfortable feelings. Here are a few steps you can take to begin responding to your problem-signaling emotions in a new way: 

1. Notice your emotions.
   Some of us are so good at suppressing uncomfortable emotions, we get rid of them before we fully realize they were there in the first place. We become disconnected from our emotional experiences. To get a sense of how you typically relate to your emotions, try checking in with yourself about once an hour, for maybe a day or two, and ask yourself how you feel. You can jot it down in a journal or on your phone, log it on a feelings tracker app, or just notice it to yourself and continue on with your day.
2. Sit with your emotions.
   Next time you notice yourself experiencing an uncomfortable emotion, try pausing in that moment, name the emotion, and then see if you can let yourself feel it. You don’t need to do anything else; just hang with the emotion for maybe 90 seconds or so and notice what happens. This can take some practice, especially if you are an expert at doing away with uncomfortable feelings the moment they arrive, so if you find that this is too hard, ask your therapist for assistance at your next session.
3. Get to know your emotions.
   Once you feel like you’ve gotten a hang of sitting with your full range of emotions, now it’s time to see if you can spend some time understanding what they are trying to tell you. Is anything going on in your life that might be causing the alarm bells to sound? What about physically? This is the part where therapy can be really helpful, as your therapist can help you identify potential causes of the painful emotions, and their solutions.

Once you start viewing all of your emotions as important and valuable, you may notice yourself becoming less fearful and more open to new possibilities, willing to go outside your comfort zone because you know you can handle whatever emotions pop up along the way. It’s not an easy process, but it can have a profound impact on your life.

LynLake Centers for WellBeing provides therapy and counseling services. Begin your journey to healing and wellness by scheduling an appointment with us today.

__
Written by: Terri Bly, PsyD, LP, Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Strategies for Managing Holiday Stress

While some holiday-related stress may be inevitable, there are steps you can take to manage stress during what can be a mixed bag of a season. Here are just a few tips for getting through the month with more jubilation and less agitation.  

Practice setting boundaries

The holidays are a great time to try out those boundary-setting skills you’ve been working on in therapy. As much as you may want to say yes to every party invitation, concert, fundraiser, bake sale, volunteer opportunity and gift request you receive this month, the reality is that saying yes to everything is what often leads us to become resentful of everything we end up doing – and of everyone who asks us to do it. At the beginning of the month (or as close to it as you can), determine what your priorities are for your time and budget this holiday season, communicate them to your loved ones, friends and colleagues when possible and appropriate, and say no to as many of the other things that pop up as you can. It may be hard at first, but it will almost certainly feel a lot better than the alternative. 

Set reasonable expectations of yourself (and others)

It’s easy to buy into the notion that the holiday season is supposed to be magical for everyone, and you may even believe it’s your responsibility to make it so. But the reality is that running yourself ragged and spending more money than you have trying to make the holidays “perfect” is not worth tanking your physical, mental or financial health. Instead, take a moment to decide what about the holiday season is most important to you and focus on that. To the best of your ability, stick to things that are largely within your control. Do you love to bake an assortment of fancy holiday treats for everyone in your life? Great, focus on that! Are you someone who enjoys going that extra mile to select unique gifts your family members will appreciate? Go for it! But consider determining a realistic budget first, and then stick to it. Finally, rather than using everyone else’s reactions to determine whether you achieved your holiday goals, ask yourself instead if you think you accomplished them. If the answer is no, rather than relegating yourself to Santa’s naughty list, ask yourself what you learned from the experience, and then use that knowledge to make next year even better. 

Take care of your body

It can be easy to let our personal wellness practices fall to the wayside during this busy time, but since we have already established that the holidays can be stressful, it should come as no surprise that taking good care of yourself becomes especially important this time of year. Consider focusing on getting good sleep, moving your body, and being mindful of your sugar and alcohol consumption. While it may be tempting to tell yourself you’ll deal with all that health stuff come January 1st, the reality is that your mind and body will suffer now if you stop taking care of yourself. And don’t forget to work in some fun to balance out the endless to-do list! There are a plethora of fun outdoor activities during the holiday season, which means you have many enjoyable options to choose from to keep your body moving and release some of that holiday-induced tension at the same time. 

Engage your senses

Winter, with its cold, dry air and minimal daylight, can wear down even the sunniest disposition. To brighten your mood, consider incorporating aromatherapy and other sensory experiences into your daily routine. Warmly-scented candles, spiced apple cider, uplifting body lotions, warm baths, invigorating diffuser blends – these are just a few of the many ways you can activate your senses, soothe your mind and body, and lift your spirits. 

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

Lastly, keep in mind that most of the little details, in the end, don’t really matter. No one thinks back to past holidays and hones in on that one time when Aunt Bev forgot to bring bread rolls for the big meal. So you ran out of time and now little Janey has to wear the same dress as last year for the annual pageant: it’s ok. Breathe, go back to those priorities you set at the beginning of the month, and remind yourself that all the other stuff is just that: stuff. 

LynLake Centers for WellBeing provides therapy and counseling services. Begin your journey to healing and wellness by scheduling an appointment with us today.

__
Written by: Terri Bly, PsyD, LP, Licensed Clinical Psychologist

How to Make Friends as an Adult

One of my favorite SNL sketches in recent memory is their commercial for “Man Park,” a fictional oasis where women can take their male partners to meet and socialize with other men, giving them much-needed outlets for connection so they don’t rely solely on the women in their lives to meet their social needs. It’s not just hilarious, it’s also a good idea. Studies on loneliness have shown a consistent increase in the percentage of Americans who say they have few or no close friendships, and who feel lonely most or all of the time. And it isn’t just men who are getting lonelier: The US Surgeon General’s office issued an official advisory this year – along with a 72-page report – calling attention to the growing epidemic of loneliness in America, across all demographics.

There’s a good reason to sound the alarm, too: loneliness is terrible for our physical and mental health, and it can even be deadly. According to the US Surgeon General, loneliness increases our chances of premature death by 29%, of heart disease by 29%, and of stroke by 32%. Among the elderly, loneliness may increase the risk of developing dementia by as much as 50%. Social isolation (and perceived isolation) also increases our risk for depression, anxiety, suicide, inflammation-related conditions (such as autoimmune diseases), type 2 diabetes…the list goes on and on.

OK, great, so we know loneliness is a problem. But what can we do about it, since (sadly) there is not an actual Man Park – or Woman Park, or Gender Expansive Park – where we can meet people and make new friends? Although I’m afraid I don’t have a social recipe guaranteed to cure loneliness, here are a few suggestions to consider when it comes to making new social connections:

Talk with your therapist.

Isolation and loneliness can be caused by a number of factors. Depression, for example, can cause us to self-isolate, which then leads to the loss of friendships, which then exacerbates depression, which makes us even more isolated, and so on and so forth. Divorce often leads to a significant increase in loneliness, since people not only lose their primary source for connection, they often lose friends and family as well. Social anxiety, which for many people worsened significantly during the pandemic, is another major cause of isolation and loneliness. By talking with your therapist about your loneliness, you can begin to understand it better, and then figure out what steps you can take to address the root cause(s). Your therapist can also help you increase self-confidence, build social and communication skills, and brainstorm ideas for meeting new people.
Schedule an Appointment

Check the tech.

The use of technology may not be solely responsible for the loneliness epidemic, but there is ample evidence to suggest it is playing a key role in keeping us isolated, particularly for teens and young adults. I can tell you anecdotally that many of my middle-aged clients also confess to hanging out with their phones instead of with their friends. Admittedly, it is easier to scroll through social media while lounging on the couch wearing your cozies, than it is to reach out to people, organize a get-together, then motivate yourself to get dressed for the occasion and actually make it out the door. But we are social beings, and even those of us who identify as introverts need some social connection in order to stay mentally and physically healthy. So if you find yourself using your phone to avoid leaving home more than you use it to contact actual people, it might be time to ask yourself why that is, and what you can do to reverse course. The internet may be a good way to initiate connections, but it is not an effective way to maintain or strengthen them.

Attend a church, mosque or synagogue.

Admittedly, this one is a little loaded. Church is not for everyone, religion is not for everyone, but the fact is that study after study has found that people who attend a religious service regularly report greater satisfaction with their lives than those who do not, and the social benefits of doing so appear to be the primary reason for this correlation. While not all congregations are particularly welcoming of newcomers, some definitely are. Moreover, some religious institutions focus more on social justice and community service than they do on adhering to a specific set of religious beliefs; the Unitarians come to mind, as an example. But if you find yourself without much of a social support network these days, seeking out a friendly congregation with values that match your own could be a great way to fill your social cup.

Volunteer.

Talk about a win-win! Volunteering your time is a great way to meet new people who share similar interests and values, while also getting out of the house and contributing to your community in a meaningful way. There’s even evidence to suggest volunteering, in and of itself, can improve your mental health. What’s important is to find an organization focused on something you care about, and then to make sure you are scheduling something on a regular basis, since establishing a routine will not only help you stick with it, but it will also increase the likelihood of connecting with your fellow volunteers.

Try Meetup.

I’m a little surprised by how often I encourage my clients to try Meetup.com, and perhaps even more surprised by the success they have had with it. I had forgotten all about this website/app, and then earlier this year I heard a story on Minnesota Public Radio about a wildly successful Meetup group that was started 10 years ago by two newcomers to the Twin Cities. Recognizing how hard it is to meet people here, they launched Break the Bubble, a Meetup group that now has over 8,000 (!!!) members, with several hundred showing up at most events. Of course, there are hundreds of other Meetups in the metro area as well, and while some are purely social, others focus on specific interests and topics.

There’s always pickleball.

The fastest-growing sport in America, pickleball has attracted people of all ages and fitness levels, with new indoor and outdoor courts and clubs popping up almost monthly. There are affordable lessons and social pickleball “pop-ups” offered at many local community centers, private clubs you can join, and leagues and tournaments offered throughout the year. For those interested primarily in the social aspects of the game, try searching for beginner or intermediate classes and “social leagues,” to avoid ending up on a court with people who are only interested in beating you, not getting to know you. Not into pickleball? There are also adult leagues for just about any sport you can imagine, from kickball to hockey.

As I said earlier, there is no magical cure for loneliness (not one that I have found, anyway), and since one person’s reason for isolation will be different from another’s, the same is true for finding the right solutions. What is important, however, is to figure out which factors have come together to create your particular situation, and then begin taking steps to get back on the road to human connection. Your body, mind and spirit will thank you for it.

LynLake Centers for WellBeing provides therapy and counseling services. Begin your journey to healing and wellness by scheduling an appointment with us today.

__
Written by: >Terri Bly, PsyD, LP, Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Five Advantages to Working with an Intern Therapist

With demand for therapy at an all-time high, sometimes the only therapists with immediately availability are intern therapists. When looking for a mental health professional to help you navigate the complex trials and tribulations of your life, it’s understandable why you might want a provider with a lot of experience. This is your life we’re talking about, after all! So it stands to reason that working with an intern therapist might seem like a dubious proposition. Will they actually know what they’re doing? Are you basically a guinea pig for them to practice on? The short answers to those questions are, respectively, yes and no. But if you’d like to know more about what it means to work with an intern therapist, read on. 

What is an intern therapist?

An intern therapist is a graduate-level student who is in the process of completing the required coursework and clinical training they need to earn their graduate degree in psychology, marriage and family therapy, counseling or social work. Working under the supervision of a licensed therapist, these individuals are able to apply what they have learned in the classroom to a real-world setting. Intern therapists are involved in providing direct client care, including diagnostic assessments and therapy sessions. Through weekly individual and group supervision, intern therapists receive guidance and feedback throughout their internship to refine their skills, provide competent care, and ensure they meet the standards necessary for licensure.

Advantages to Working with an Intern Therapist

While we certainly want you to feel comfortable with and confident in your therapist’s ability to help you, there are a few benefits to seeing a pre-licensed or intern clinician that you may not have thought about (or are not aware of). Here are just a few of them: 
Schedule an Appointment

1. Frequent supervision (two therapists for the price of one!)

All interns and pre-licensed therapists meet weekly with experienced, licensed clinicians who have formal training in supervising new therapists.  Unlike licensed clinicians, intern therapists are directly accountable to their supervisor for ensuring they provide evidence-based care tailored to each client in their caseload. This means your intern therapist will be talking regularly about your situation with an experienced clinician, putting their heads together to come up with effective interventions to help you reach your therapy goals. In other words, you get two therapists helping you instead of one. 

2. Smaller caseloads = more individualized attention

Interns therapists typically have much smaller caseloads than licensed or even pre-licensed therapists, in order to ensure that they are able to take the time they need to carefully think through and prepare for each session; for example, gathering helpful handouts, doing a quick consult with a more experienced clinician in their office, or paging through books to remind themselves how to approach a certain disorder or situation, and so forth. Even experienced clinicians may admit they miss their newbie days when they had that additional time to prepare for each and every individual client, couple or family.  

3. Curiosity comes easily

When a clinician is new to the field of therapy, there’s a decent chance that most (if not all) of their clients show up with symptoms, experiences, and challenges that the clinician has not encountered before. While this may initially strike you as a bad thing, the reality is that it can be easier for a therapist to stay curious while listening to someone tell their story when they haven’t already met with dozens or hundreds of clients who, on the surface at least, seem similar to this new client. An intern therapist is unlikely to make any assumptions about your situation because they don’t have many other clients to compare you to. While it’s important to note that all therapists do their best to maintain that new-therapist curiosity, it can be easier to do so when you are, in fact, a new therapist. And by staying curious, your therapist is able to ensure that you feel heard and understood as a unique individual navigating your own unique journey through life. 

4. Energy and enthusiasm

After going through several years of schooling, intern therapists are excited to apply or continue building on the extensive education they have received. After all, they got into this field to work with people, and now they finally get to do it! With all of the knowledge they have acquired fresh in their minds as they prepare to launch their new career, the energy they bring to the field is contagious and you will be able to sense their enthusiasm in each session. 

5. Up-to-date knowledge

While many of the basic principles of good therapy have not changed over the decades, it seems there are new approaches and innovations in mental health treatment nearly every year. Intern therapists typically have training in the most recent approaches to the ever-evolving field of psychotherapy, as well as knowledge of the latest research in evidence-based treatments for various mental health conditions.  

Intern Therapist

Like the clients they work with, each therapist brings their own unique set of strengths to the work they do. Having an experienced therapist may be the right way to go for some clients, certainly, but pre-licensed clinicians bring with them their own valuable set of qualities and skills that make them worthy of consideration. If you are looking for a new therapist, reach out to our referrals team today to get matched with the right therapist for you. If you are interested in learning more about the internship program at LynLake Centers for Wellbeing, please check out our Internship page. 

Therapists in Minneapolis – LynLake Centers for Wellbeing

LynLake Centers for WellBeing provides integrative therapy and counseling services. Begin your journey to healing and wellness by scheduling an appointment with us today.
Schedule an Appointment

A Yogic Perspective on Menopause & Anxiety