Parenting after separation or divorce is rarely simple (after all, parenting is rarely simple even in the best of circumstances!). In addition to the usual stressors like work, family, and everyday life, the conflicts and challenges that led to the end of the relationship between you and your co-parent can easily spill into how the two of you parent your children. At LynLake Centers for WellBeing, we know children thrive when parents feel grounded and supported, and when they are able to support each other.
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Here are six therapist-informed tips, ordered by priority, to help reduce conflict and strengthen your co-parenting relationship.
1. Improve Communication
Healthy co-parenting starts with clear, respectful communication. Use neutral language, keep conversations focused on your child, and avoid asking your children to act as messengers. Parenting apps or shared calendars can make schedules and plans transparent, reducing misunderstandings before they become conflicts. Remember: you don’t have to like your ex, you just need to parent with them as effectively as possible, which means ensuring your communication is clear and fact-based.
2. Use Structure to Reduce Tension
Routine and structure provide stability for both parents and children, and minimizes the need for frequent communication between parents. A written parenting agreement that covers schedules, holidays, and communication norms lowers stress and prevents confusion. Just as structure reduces overwhelm at work, it also helps create calm at home.
3. Set Clear Boundaries
Boundaries protect everyone involved. This might mean honoring parenting time without interference, determining when and how communication will take place, or deciding ahead of time what steps you will take when you disagree on a child-related issue. Boundaries keep the focus on the child rather than on past grievances or ongoing tension.
4. Ask for Support
Co-parenting is demanding, and it’s okay to lean on others. Friends and family can help with daily logistics, just keep in mind that friends and family can also fuel conflict unnecessarily. Be sure to let them know what you need from them, and keep in mind that you set the tone for how they talk about your ex. Family therapists who specialize in co-parenting can guide you through conflict, communication challenges, and building healthier patterns. In some cases, divorce professionals may be brought in to clarify parenting arrangements and assist with decision-making.
5. Avoid Bad-Mouthing Your Co-Parent to your Children
As hard as it can be sometimes, it is critical that you (and your friends and family) avoid trash-talking your ex in front of your children. Remember that this is their other parent, and they deserve the chance to form their own relationships with that parent, without you weighing in with your opinions or criticisms. This includes ensuring your kids can’t overhear you airing your grievances during phone conversations with friends or family.
6. Prioritize Self-Care
You can’t co-parent well if you’re running on empty. Prioritizing rest, movement, and nutrition helps you stay grounded and model healthy habits for your child. Simplifying schedules, delegating when possible, and carving out small breaks make a big difference in your capacity to show up consistently. Lastly, ensure you have a strong support system so that you have people you can talk to about the challenges of co-parenting, as that will reduce the temptation to vent to your kids.
When to Seek Professional Help
If stress, conflict, or anxiety are interfering with your ability to parent or co-parent effectively, therapy can help. Counselors can provide tools for better communication, healthier boundaries, and strategies that keep your mental health and wellbeing – and thus your ability to meet your children’s needs – front and center.
Additional Resources
Here are few books and other resources for co-parents, recommended by our therapists who work with divorced or separated parents and their children:
Parenting Apart: How separated and divorced parents can raise happy and secure kids
The Bridging Center – online courses and coaching for divorced and separated parents
A Compassionate Next Step
If co-parenting feels overwhelming, you don’t have to navigate it alone. At LynLake Centers for WellBeing, our therapists specialize in supporting parents through significant life transitions, helping reduce conflict, and creating more stable environments for children. Reaching out is not a weakness — it’s a step toward building a calmer, healthier future for your family.
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